Momma We Made It....I think...

Lord, what do I do with all of these gifts, if "THIS" is not what You want me to do?

Romans 8. Yes, the entire chapter!

Giftings

noun: gift; plural noun: gifts

1. a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.

2. a natural ability or talent.

3. endow with (something).

Each and every one of us have a gift. It is impossible to be the creation birthed out of THE Creator and not be able to create. What happens when you have multiple gifts? What happens when you find joy in every one of those gifts and use them in what you perceive as service? Well, unless that is what God desires and He gets the glory, they mean absolutely nothing!

All the world loves a stage...

Performing has been apart of my life since the age of 8. While living bicoastal between Florida and California, I attended Valencia Park Elementary School, in Southeast San Diego. While there, I became a student in Ms. Poolis' class. In this class we learned tap, and some "hip hop" dancing. I. Loved. It! From there, I joined the San Diego Youth Chorale. I was able to perform in one show, being that it cost more than my Mom could afford, I would not be able to travel with the group. As most people did, I started with church plays. From there, cheerleading, dance team, step team and poetry. It wouldn't be until 2004 where I saw my first taped live play, which was Tyler Perry's "Diary of A Mad Black Woman". I'd never seen so many black people on a stage before. Hearing the audience's reaction to the antics and dialogue on stage was mesmerizing. Fast forward through 4 years of military service and two divorces I became more drawn to the stage. Open mic nights were the testing grounds for holding an audience captive. I will admit, finding my style was difficult. I didnt't want to sound like the quintessential spoken word artist who interjects inflections, while theeeey....talk like thiiiiiiiis. I'm country. I don't have time for that! While performing poetry, my first unofficial mentor invited me to be in a play. In this play I would be a character who was a lesbian by opportunity (meaning she goes with whomever has the money) who is encouraging her lover to kill herself to get money for her death from the state so she could live luxuriously happily ever after. Let me stop you here, this is prior to the 2017 breaking process. My ignorance to the influence of this particular facet of the industry is at an all time high. I played questionable characters once. Even still, I had to repent and come out of agreement with those character traits. From that play, I would go on to be in 2 more plays, an independant film, 3 music videos, an extra on an HBO television show, a commercial and a photo shoot. I drove to Los Angeles for casting call auditons more times than I can count. Even that experience was wonderful because I met some wonderful people who I am still in contact with today. I would call my Momma and tell her about the experience, how the celebrity looked and how they acted in person. I did all of this while working a full time job on a military base. I was bitten by the bug and I assumed that God was with me through it all. How could He be with me when I didn't invite Him to go with me? Of course I would pray before an audtion or before the curtains would rise before a show. Did I REALLY invite God with me? No. God told me to stop. I did. That was the beginning of the elongated pause in acting. Life span of 2014-2017.

All Things Beauty

In 2018 my now husband, then fiance (he proposed to me after I completed my makeup class and a day after my birthday) encouraged me to attend Cosmetology school. I did my own makeup and loved the artistry in that as well. He pointed out that I knew the techniques of makeup artistry and that it would benefit me to learn the scientific elements of it. He also stated that whatever point I got back into industry, not only could I be on stage but I could help with hair and makeup as well. So I did. The class lasted 1 month and a few days. I completed that course and passed. Next up was cosmetology school that started in September of 2018. I enjoyed learning the make up of hair fibers, how to take care of it and how to protect clients from infections and contamination. What I didn't enjoy was the fact that the curriculum was not diverse and that the statement "hair is hair" was thrown about. Attendance was very important because you needed all 1600 hours to qualify to take stateboard. This would be a crucial factor in planning our wedding and taking a honeymoon trip. Nevertheless, we got married and took a trip to Hawaii and stayed four and half wonderful days.

After our return I had a flare up of PCOS at school that revealed not only a cyst on my ovary but also a blood clot in my lungs. There was no way that I could continue as a student in cosmetology school, when my PCOS and endometriosis had the history of putting me down for weeks to months. I dropped out. From there, I would do freelance makeup at my leisure. I would provide makeup artistry for a production company, I operated as the head makeup artist for a magazine, videos, photoshoots, movies, plays and so on. On one particular production set, I had to apply makeup on a blind young lady. Her mother informed me that she was well intuned with her body and how her makeup and hair made her feel. I took every precaution with applying makeup on her. Just because she did not have her sight, that did not mean that I could do her hair and makeup any kind of way. Above all things, she was my sister in Christ (whether she knew it or not). While her and I conversed, eventually her mother joined in on the conversation. Her mother began to minister to me about allowing God to use me and me being obedient to the Lord and how I operate my business. I listened to her. She was my elder. She was a Sage. Wisdom is a cleansing component that most people disregard.

I finally finished applying makeup to this beautiful talent. She said, "I FEEL like I look pretty". Family...I was shocked and speechless. I had never had a client say that in such a soul stirring way. Please don't misunderstand, her mother made it very clear that if she didn't feel like it was pretty she would say so. The next thing to do was her hair. She explained that she wanted a high ponytail with a rounded puff. I gave her what she asked for. She took her left hand and ran it up the left side of her hair. She took her right hand and ran it up the right side of her hair. She used both hands to touch the front and back of her hair. She then said to me, "I like it. It feels like I would wear this out. I FEEL like it looks good." She was then led to set by a production assistant. After she was gone, I went to my car and cried. These were tears of joy. I understood as the woman of God was ministering to me, God was speaking to me about the stewardship of my gift. Then Holy Spirit said to me, "Your hands are ministry. When they sit in the chair, they are sitting before God. His presence must be ushered in. Listen to me and the directions that I give concerning the colors and techniques used in each session. All glory belongs to God." 2018-2019 I operated as a freelance makeup artist for film, video, CalFresh commercial, Georgia Opiod public service announcement, training video, celebrities aaaaand then the whole world went on a 2 year pause.

What do I do with my hands and what is within them Lord?

With the exception of one play that I was allowed to play the lead in (that's a whole nother blog!), I worked for 3 months at a church. Once the pandemic hit, I volunteered. When the unfortunate death of our pastor happened, I knew it was time to move on. With so much that I dreamed of doing on pause and no word or direction from the Lord I became upset. I was upset because nothing I had (yes I said I) desired to do was working. Income was ummmm...yeah. I am going to say it. I was jealous! I was jealous that other people were making moves and being successful and completing goals. I threw too many temper tantrums. I complained. I made it all about me and what I wanted. Out of disobedience and selfishness I made the decision to reestablish my account on Backstage. Not even 15 minutes after, I recieved an invitation to audition for a film. It called for a wife to walk downstairs to witness her husband performing oral sex on a demon, while their children were upstairs. The only thing she does is watch him finish the act and after the demon ejaculates on her husband's face, she hands him a towel to wipe it off. It paid over $900. Holy Spirit said to me "how bad do you want this?" I did NOT want it that bad. I repented. Months went by. After spending time with the Lord, I was lead to apply for VR&E with the VA. The Veteran's Affairs vocational rehab and employment program allowed the participant to attend school, recieve a housing allowance and gain employment after graduation. I prayed about it. God allowed me to enroll. So I enrolled in the theater arts program at MSJC.

I sat under some wonderful professors. I was covert in finding out the history and foundation of theater, film and television. In 2022 I applied to a 4 year university because I had acquired enough credits to do so. I GOT ACCEPTED!!! Hence the title of this blog "Momma We Made It!" I was so excited and grateful to God that one of my most coveted goals (yes I said coveted, we are going to be honest here!) was to recieve my degree. I already felt behind, because most of my classmates went to college straight out of high school. I felt vindicated! I felt on the same level as those who had recieved degrees. Afterall, I come from the next to last generation that was told to get a degree/career and get more money. I digress. I went through the whole enrollment process. I met my counselor. I posted online about how God had finally answered MY "prayer". BUT...Holy Spirit had instructed me NOT to post anything online. Like a disobedient and hard-headed child, I did not listen. I posted it everywhere. Then, I received an email from the admissions department stating that my credits did not transfer. I. Was. Devastated! How could this happen? Why was this happening? God you said I could!! Even when I tried to enroll in classes to get the necessary credits at my community college, there were NONE available that was applicable to my degree plan. Granted, there were a few semesters that God had asked me to take a break so I could sit with Him. But I just assumed (yes I know what they say about assuming) that could finish in MY time frame. I was wrong. I thought my husband and I would be the quentessential power couple. I carried that around until God asked me a deep yet rhetorical question about being a power couple. He simply asked me "By whose power?" YIKES! I had come too far within perfecting my walk with God and the Holy Spirit and learning how to operate in the characteristics of Yeshua. Was my degree difficult to let go of? Absolutely. Was I mourning the death of another presumed identity? Absolutely. If I wasn't an actress, makeup artist, beautician or scholar who am I really? Where is my identity? How will I function amongst those who have credentials to display their hard work?

Well, the concluding point is this. All of those things meant absolutely nothing if my foundation was not rooted in the truth of God my Father, whose image (spirit) I was created out of. If I allowed those things to give me my identity, they would have eventually become my God(s). They would guide me and get glory for the works of my hands. The fruit of my tree would produce seeds that were not of the Kingdom. I had it completely confused with how I was supposed to operate. Most importantly, I had not sat down and taken the time to reflect on the prayer that I had prayed since the day my husband and I got married. "Lord mold me and shape me into the wife that you designed me to be for the husband you designed for me." My brothers and my sisters, that is what I am now. A full time wife at home, striving for God to say about my service, the same thing he said each day after creation was created...."it is good". God bless you Beloved....