What is really flowing from my heart?
Isaiah 58:11
“And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your soul in scorched and dry places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
More of you Lord and less of me!
Do we really understand what this means and are we really committed to the process of becoming more like our Father?
I can honestly say that the process of God breaking me started in 2017. The process started and I submitted to it without full understanding of what the statement of "more of you and less of me" really looked or felt like. If I had to give comparative analogy, I would say that becoming a true Christian and servant of God is like going to boot camp. When I enlisted into the military I took an oath, processed into the Army and then shipped off to boot camp in Jackson, South Carolina. The whole purpose of boot camp is to break every civilian characteristic. You become more militant in movements, attire, physical training, discipline and nutrition. You learn the Army song, Army history and Army current events. I am a military brat. Being familiar with the customs of the Army was not foreign to me. The discipline, the cleaning, the obedience was not foreign to me. My mother taught me well in that way. My mother also had me in church ever since I can remember. So why was God's breaking process a jarring shock to my system when Christianity literally requires the same thing?
No but for real though...we play church.
Yes. I said it. I can say that because it was revealed to me by Holy Spirit while operating in ignorance of fasting, praying, worshipping, loving my enemies, etc. I grew up in Baptist church. That came with some preconcieved notions, rules and regulations. Such as,
You don't question God.
Prophets don't exisit.
Speaking in tongues is not a thing.
A child is to be seen and not heard.
Christmas, Easter and Watchnight are the holy trinity.
If I am honest, a relationship with God seemed routinely oppressive. Go to church on Wednesday and Sunday. Give tithes and offering and afterwards, head into the Annex to eat fried chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes and pound cake-and drink fruit punch. Say "The Lord's Prayer" before you go to bed, honor your mother and father. I was doing those things. But, I was also doing things that the bible said was wrong and asking God to get me out of situations while promising to never do it again. I treated him like Aladdin treated Genie by promising to use my first two "wishes" within the quid pro quo's of the lamp and my 3rd for a get out of jail free card. I did not fully understand what "repentance" really was. It wasn't explained. True repentance is grieving the fact that you committed a sin against God, lying on your face before the Lord (this may vary from person to person), and turning your back on the sin and what caused you to commit the sin in the first place. My sin(s) was adultery, pride, self gratification and back-slidding. But it was okay as long as I said, "I won't do it anymore." Wrong. Comparing my relationship with my earthly father to my heavenly Father, I only reached out to both when I needed something. I knew nothing of being in covenant with God, being reciprocal with God or even kind enough to spend time with Him. That all changed.
When your ways keep leading to (spiritual) death...
Proverbs 14:12-16
During the summer of 2017 I reached a breaking point. I texted 4 women in my phone with an urgency that I cannot even explain. I told them I need prayer. I told them I needed deliverance. My version of being a Christian was not producing any fruit. My prayers were not praying and my worship was not worshipping! Those four prayer warriors didn't wasted time in asking where to meet at. One young lady offered the building where her family's newspaper operates out of. When I arrived at the building, I made a bee line to the most open spot on floor and laid there. I cried out and said out loud to God and everyone else in the room "I'm tired of this cycle!" The soil in my soul was beginning to be tilled. It had to be broken apart first. It felt as if Holy Spirit was an archeologist, excavating old hardened issues and desires. The fossils of the past being removed was absolutely necessary in order for proper planting of God's law to be placed. The process came with unlearning things that I thought kept me in the safety zone. The process came with introspection, self reflection and shedding of every self serving ideology I held onto. To this present day there is not a a moment that goes by that I do not allow accountability and responsibility to be my portion. I understood that I was acquainted with the name of God, not His character, His love for me, His standards and the other 603 commandments that existed in the bible. I had to grow up and begin to allow God's image to be a part of my inner most self. I had to digest and ingest the word of the Lord. To be completely transparent, I have just now started praying to have the fruits of the spirit increased in me. When I think about the Messiah and how He walked the earth, His presence drew people near and drew demons out. The authority within His presence was a shifter of atmospheres and enviornments. I am not ashamed to say that until 2017, I was not focused on any of that. Now, in 2024 all things are made new. I focus on what God wants and His desires. I focus on how to be more like Yeshua and His character. I want God to know every morning, afternoon and evening...Abba, you are welcome (pointing to my heart) here!
Get Inspired
How has this testimony inspired you to draw closer to God and inhabit His presence on a daily basis? What are you willing to let go of to recieve more of God's presence? Are you allowing God to perfect you?
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